went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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