Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
