Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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