Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
