I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
