I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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