I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
