I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh god it's open bar.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
