ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
