My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
