we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
