No stitches, just platelets and will power
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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