We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
