There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dear god my vagina.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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