I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
