I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The Olympian is in my bed
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
