fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
