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Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Two words: blizzard sex
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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