the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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