OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
