My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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