i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
