GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
