I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
