After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
