My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
