I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
