the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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