his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
