The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
