I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
