Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
