You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
