i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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