I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
