haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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