Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
