I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
