your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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