Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
