Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
