Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
