Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
