I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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