i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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