It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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