Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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