I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
