Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
