This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
