gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
